MOO!

I will explain this image in a moment.

My son has finally been given the green light to start solids. While this is an exciting development (he may actually start to sleep through the night now) it does add another thing to my to-do list - pumping breastmilk. While I have already been pumping in order to have bottles when I go out, it was always optional. As if I don't already have enough to do now I need to pump at least four ounces a day in order to make his cereal with it.

For those of you blessedly unfamiliar with pumping breastmilk and all it involves here are the basics. The pump is a small motor with a hose and a cone-like nozzle you place over your breast and turn it on so that your nipple is alternately pulled partially into the contraption and released to simulate sucking. Doesn't sound too bad, does it? Until you see the extent to which your damn nipple is pulled and stretched. Until you try to sit and do it while your two other kids are asking you for another waffle or more syrup as you are freaking out about whether you'll be late for school (pumping is best done in the morning). Until you sit there for thirty minutes and realize you've only gotten two measly ounces. Until you start feeling like your name should be Bessie and words like "homogenized" start to dance in your head.

All of this focus on acquiring specific amounts of breastmilk made me think. While I know I'm giving my son a great start in life and, it is truly convenient in the middle of the night (no prep required) it is a lot of hard work nursing. So much so that I have decided all nursing women deserve monetary compensation for the lack of sleep (since you are the only food source), utter (udder!) responsibility for nourishing a life and, let's face it, sad, droopy little breasts we are left with at the end (let's just say I totally understand those women in National Geographic now). For said compensation I came up with a formula (no pun intended). If a large can of formula costs $28.00 then an equivalent volume of breastmilk would cost sixteen cents an ounce. So here is my math figuring 32 ounces a day for 320 days.

$0.16/oz x 32oz/day x 320 days = $1638.40/year x 3 kids = $4915.20

I did a little online shopping. With this figure, I think I have earned the item pictured above and, dammit, I intend to collect. Or force my husband to take a turn with the pump. Either would be fine.