The Definition of Insanity...

...is doing the same thing time and time again and expecting the same results. So, apparently, my husband is insane. We have just had Performance #4,011 of the play called, "I Tell You I'm Going to be Home at a Certain Time then Call at Said Time from the City."

On this particular occasion, my husband was going out for a beer with friends from work. Now don't jump to conclusions, my husband is not the boozy, partying type. He may go out for a beer or two, but it's generally pretty tame. He gets in trouble, not for the amount of alcohol he consumes, but the amount of time he tells me he's going to take. I have no problem if he miscalculates and winds up leaving later than expected - OK, that's a blatant lie, I would give him attitude about it - but why in the name of GOD can he not call me when he realizes it is the hour he would need to leave to be home on time and he has not yet left the bar???? My father opines that he's afraid of getting in trouble. Well, after the tongue lashing he received the first 4,010 times he's done this might not he realize it is the lack of phone communication that is the problem? He is apologetic every time, but seriously, is he that slow a learner?

For those of you who have not experienced it, being stuck at home with your kids while your husband tells you by his actions, "Eat it. I'll be home when I'm home." is the most impotent feeling in the world. You get to choke back your bile and put on a happy face for your children while you imagine eviscerating their father because you have to bathe three children and get them into bed all by yourself - a task I usually need a gallon of four o'clock coffee to steel myself for. In the days before kids I'd be annoyed because I was sitting alone watching Law & Order reruns. I would grab my keys, hop in the car and be gone when he got home. That'll teach him. Immature, yes, but very empowering. Now, where the hell am I going with three kids? Nowhere but Crazytown.

Let me apologize, in advance, to my husband for airing dirty laundry, but perhaps this can be the emotional equivalent of running out the door - running into cyberspace. Maybe this is something I can use. Can't you see me yelling into the phone, "I swear to God, if you do that again, I'll write about it!"?