I feel guilty. Well, not that guilty. My three year old is in her room crying because I mistakenly opened her door during her "nap" and she thought it was time to get up. Sadly, this was not the case and now she is letting me know how badly I suck as a mother.
For those of you who don't know, three is usually the age most kids start to give up their blessed, two-and-a-half-hour long afternoon nap - also known as the non-drug "mother's little helper". This break in the day is sometimes the only thing that stands between me and a padded room at Bellevue. I consider at least a portion of the nap my lunch hour. I know that for a short period of time I do not have to answer any questions, put any clothing on a Polly Pocket (who the hell thought rubber clothing was a good idea for a four inch doll?) or fetch anyone an apple (peeled, cut into wafer-thin slices and dusted with cinnamon - I am the freakin' Starbucks of apple prep around here).
So imagine my terror when one day I was folding laundry and instead of the heavenly sound of silence, I heard my little cherub awake in her room after two hours. I was not going down without a fight though, and I put in to action the plan I hatched when my five year-old started this same crap. It's called "The Rest". My kids go into their rooms for forty-five minutes of quiet time every day so they can have more energy for the afternoon - or so I tell them. It's really so Mommy can watch ten minutes (!) of Project Runway and stuff a Lean Cuisine down her throat.
Perhaps some of you think this is cruel, shutting your children in a semi-darkened room for almost an hour just to be rid of them. I actually looked up the definition of false imprisonment and it made me a little uncomfortable. "Intentionally restraining another person without the legal right to do so. Physical force need not be used; threats or a show of apparent authority are sufficient." Does screaming, "Get back in that room until I come get you or there will be no treats tonight!" count? I don't know why I ask, because, frankly, I don't care. Being a stay-at-home mom while a real job, lacks all of the perks associated with one, such as the lunch hour (never mind sick days or, you know, pay) So, dammit, if it means a participating in a Class A misdemeanor I'll do the time.
1 comment:
Okay, first off, when I was playing Polly Pockets with Annie last winter I was thinking the same thing about the blasted rubber clothing. Seriously, who designs this shit? I was practically chaffing poor Polly's rubber skin trying to get shift dress on her.
On the whole "spending time in your room but not sleeping" thing, I think that's a great gift you can give your kid. Honestly. This is an opportunity for kids to explore creative play and use their imagination. My mom instituted such policy with my sisters and me and I plan on doing it with my kids one day. The more kids feel comfortable being by themselves the less you're going to hear the "I'm bored" crap.
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