FILB - Father I'd Like to Befriend

I need to give a shout out to a new species of man out there. This type of man makes me feel a lot better, that my bitching about the difficulties of being a SAHM are not specifically related to my gender, but is a byproduct of a job that is hard as hell. The man of which I speak is the stay -at-home dad.

I met my first SAHD at the park three years ago right after I had my middle one. The lone bull among the cows, he was my savior. As I desperately tried to keep Molly from killing herself on the slide from the confines of a bench where I needed to nurse my newborn, he stepped in, fully able to ignore the infant latched to my breast to ask, "Would you like me to push her on the swing?" How cool is that? We have since struck up a friendship and I have to say having a new perspective on things is refreshing. Forgot a snack? Big deal, we can all share. Kids' clothes don't match since she picked them herself? Who bloody cares (yes, my pal is British and a devoted reader*)?

I have met several more SAHDs over the years and I find this relaxed state of mind a common trait among them. Rather than being in competition for Martyr of the Year, these guys are just enjoying being with their kids and if the kitchen floor doesn't get mopped the world won't end. Gender sort of prevents them from constantly comparing themselves to other mothers, but I don't think they would do it even if they were surrounded by other SAHDs, it's just not in their nature and I think it's incredible.

Now don't think I believe these guys have it made and their lives are a bed of roses. I know they suffer from some gender discrimination. My one friend can't stand it when mothers at the park ask him, "Mommy has the day off?", as if he couldn't possibly be the child's full-time caregiver. It must also be hard to find a peer group. I recently met one dad at Barnes & Noble who I engaged in stay-at-home chatter and he leapt at the opportunity to unburden himself of his parenting insecurities since, it seemed, he had no other colleagues to talk to. It must be akin to being a female kicker on a football team - you belong on the team, your skills are slightly different and it takes a while to fit in.

I love these guys because they are breaking down stereotypes - that if a parent is to stay home it must be the mother. Many of these dads are home because it made financial sense for their families - imagine that. By being out there they are showing people there is actually a choice and, for my son, I thank them. So, fellow moms, the next time you see a dad at the park with his kids, don't assume he's just there so mom can get her nails done. He might be at work, too. A smile and a "hello" might be all he needs to let him know he's one of us and you might find a friend who inspires you to stop beating the crap out of yourself.

* My friend Adam Keeble, mentioned above, has a fabulous book coming out on June 7th titled, "I Got You, Babe" about his experience as a SAHD. He was kind enough to share the manuscript with me and IT ROCKS.