The Top 5 People Who Pissed Me Off at DD between 7:55 and 8:10 This Morning
5. Close parking guy. Seriously, it's just you and your clip-on cell phone so why must you take the space right in front? You could really use the cardio evidenced by your low-slung-under-the-gut pants. My husband claims I am way too altruistic in my parking since when I am alone, which is practically never, I take the space furthest away thinking some poor mother is going to pull in any second with all three of her kids desperately in need of caffeine and not want to walk the extra distance carrying her twenty-five pound baby who is furiously trying to swat her much needed iced coffee out of her hands while she juggles her car keys and purse.
4. Don't know what you want guy. Why do they have a menu board if you insist on having the lovely Pakistani man read you all the selections? And I'm not talking about some old guy either. Your eyes work. Use 'em. The rest of us know our order and want to get the hell out of there.
3. Change payers. Aaaaaaah! Find a Coinstar machine or get the hell out of my way. $2.35 in nickels? Gah!
2. Too much cream guy. MOBIN WHERE ARE YOU? Of course this morning there was some new guy who does not know how to use the cream dispenser machine they have. So my iced coffee was basically a quart of half and half with a splash of coffee. While I do love the high fat dairy, even I had to ask for a correction here and got the stink eye for it. Kiss my ass. No tip for you!
1. Won't hold the door open guy. My brood and I are hard to miss as I shriek, "Go, go, go!" trying to get them out the door as they stop to admire the display of Yankee Dunkin Donuts cards all the while the baby is doing his darndest to send my coffee flying and we have to make it to school. So I have a deep, boiling-hot hatred for the guy who lets the door slam closed right behind him as he exits while I am standing right behind him. If he has no kids I demand his testicles be removed immediately to prevent him saddling some poor woman with his progeny who he will obviously be less-than-no help with, and if he has reproduced, I demand his wife be given a free vacation in the Bahamas for all the extra work she must do. Assface.
Yes, I am in one stellar mood this Friday, readers. Other drivers heading into NYC beware. I will be on the road flames flying.
Happy (sort of) Friday.
1 comment:
As another mother carrying a 25 lb-er trying to simultaneously leap out of my arms and swat my coffee to the floor, I both appreciate your altruistic parking nature and empathize with your coffee experience. Hope your NYC trip is altogether uneventful.
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