This post is rated PG

TV stations around the tristate area were in a tizzy this morning as every newscast rushed to get audio of news anchor Sue Simmons cursing on the air. No! It can't be! News anchors don't always speak in measured tones using bland, accessible language and trite catch phrases, you say? It's true, I swear! Conservative groups are pissed and there is much hub-bub, but I say good on ya', Sue! This outburst actually made me like her more because it made her more of a real person to me. Listen to the audio and you can tell she is either really annoyed, or she is having a really bad day and when in either situation myself, nothing makes me feel better than dropping a few F-bombs*.

I love, love, love cursing. I remember the heady feeling of using the word "shit" for the first time in sixth grade. What power! What freedom! The world didn't end - well, only because I said it when not in front of my parents. I went on a bit of a potty-mouth spree after that, but have, since then, reigned it in to an appropriate level of usage. Anyway, I know this is not the best habit for a woman who spends ninety percent of her time surrounded by small, impressionable children, but I can honestly say I do not curse in front of my kids. It's like being a closet smoker, I do it when they're out of sight and earshot. Why do I not give up my habit cold turkey you ask? Because swearing is a very effective stress reliever and method of getting your point across to certain audiences. Let's take an exchange between hubby and myself and compare the expletive-free version and the one that would normally occur and see which would be more effective.

G-rated version -
Me: "Would you please stop leaving your dirty socks and underwear on the bedroom floor? It's really annoying."
Hubby: "Sure." Repeats said behavior the very next day.

Real-life version -
Me: "If you don't stop leaving your fucking socks and dirty underwear all over the bedroom floor I'm going to punch you in the nuts."
Hubby: (laughing) "I might need those if you want another baby." Remembering threat of violence puts socks in hamper for one day then returns to old behavior*.

Now please don't think I haven't tried the G-rated version. I did for the first year or so we were married, but you can be nice only for so long. While the cursing didn't solve the problem and perhaps it was the threat of violence that effected some change, swearing in these situations makes me feel powerful and heard. It's a verbal smack in the face.

It can be very frustrating not being able to curse when I'm around the kids like when I get cut off in traffic or slam my finger in a door, but it's amazing how well you adapt. I've also had practice being a teacher as most parents frown upon their child's teacher asking them, "Why the fuck are you still talking?" I am so jealous of my husband who works in the financial industry where most of his coworkers leave a trail of profanity in their wake so thick you'd need a shovel to get through it. I think that's awesome because it shows they are real and comfortable with themselves. Yes, it can be unprofessional and inappropriate, but I personally do not trust a person who never swears. I especially can't stand mothers who are so stringent in their curse-filtering they won't use "damn" or "hell". "Darn" and "heck" are for pussies and make me want to puke. Nothing makes me feel closer to a fellow mom than when, out of the kids' earshot of course, she says something like, "He is such an asshole." I think, "Yes! You are my people!" Swearing sends a message other than the actual words. It is a way people bond, letting the person you curse in front of know you feel comfortable enough to not always be on your best behavior with them. Do you remember the first time you cursed in front of your parents and weren't corrected for it? It meant they finally saw you as an adult and an equal on some levels. Touching what can be expressed when you use the word "fuck".

So call me classless, but I will continue to use my beloved four letter words when the situation is called for and appropriate. My dream is to be on Inside the Actor's Studio and have James Lipton ask me what my favortie curse word is. My reply? "I love 'em all, Jimmy. I love 'em all."

*Lindsay has the best blog title ever using this word
**For the record, hubby is not a total pig, just semi-retarded.