Curb your - kid?

Quick post today, kiddies, but it's gross enough to make you think about it all day long.

I took the kids to the park yesterday straight from school to enjoy this gorgeous weather. In preparation, I made sure my middle one used the facilities at school before we left, but I had the potty in the back of the van just in case. So we get to the park and as we're exiting the vehicle, my oldest tells me she has to go to the bathroom. As you know, the pick up her school is curbside (like Chili's without the benefit of guacamole) so I didn't have an opportunity to have her use the loo, but I figured she must have gone in the three hours she was there, unlike my middle one who is basically a camel and will hold until her bladder is the size of a beach ball. We got to the park and daughter #1 asks if she can use the potty. I don't discriminate when it comes to port-a-potty usage having been there myself, so I set it up and shut the van doors to give her some privacy.

Moments later, I look through the tinted windows to see her holding her nose. Oh, no, you're saying. She didn't. Oh, yes, she did. My five year old daughter took a dump as big as a grapefruit in the potty in the car. Now what the hell was I going to do? The van was beginning to smell like the bathrooms at Yankee Stadium - I had to get rid of this thing. I gave her a few wipes and she took care of business after which, I tucked them in a dirty diaper of the baby's which I was throwing out in the park trash anyway. But I couldn't very well walk up to the garbage can in full sight of all the other moms and drop this huge HUMAN turd in the can. So, I did what any irresponsible dog owner would do. I found a tree hidden from view of the park and away from the van and tossed it where no one could step on it. Yes, I am embarrassed, but what was I going to do? Of course I had to do it without my girls seeing or the questions would have been endless. Oldest (loudly entering park): "Mommy, who's gonna clean up my poop?" Me (whispering through clenched teeth : "Shut up, kid."

So my apologies to anyone at Crestwood Park who found this monstrosity. No, it wasn't a great dane that did that, it was my fifty pound five year old.