That's a lot of look...

Apologies for the long absence, dear readers, but I have spent a large portion of the past week covered in puke and/or dirty laundry. To be honest, I think I was still hungover Monday from my pre-Mother's Day outing, so that day was a wash. Then the fun really began Tuesday, as number 2 decided to surprise me after dinner by depositing a puddle of vomit, three feet in diameter, on the kitchen floor thirty minutes before I had to attend a pre-school budget meeting and moments after Hubby called to say he would be very late as he had to go out with clients. Fast forward to midnight and H comes through the door to find me and pathetic younger daughter watching Blues Clues* on the couch as she proceeds to wretch every hour on the hour. Note to H, this was not the best time to tell me how "legit" real Greek food is. You know what else was legit? The Lean Cuisine I gobbled down while still wearing my puke-covered sweatshirt.

Anyway, I'm back. And as Hubby is leaving for four days on business Sunday, I will most likely be writing a lot at night in lieu of actual adult interaction. Either that or drinking. Or both.

So now that spring is finally, finally here, I have to tackle the monumental task of outfitting my children for a new set of temperatures. While this is normally a pain in the ass with the girls, involving coaxing them in and out of a series of outfits to ensure fit, and now that they are older, sartorial acceptability, since having a son, I now have the added bonus of obtaining Hubby's seal of approval on all purchases.

To be clear, H is not much of a fashion slave, his main concern is that his son not look "queer"** or, as he puts it, "like the weird Euro kid".*** The guideline I have found most useful is to ask myself when making a purchase, "Would H wear this in his size?" But despite this method's success in the cold weather months, I am having difficulty now that I am no longer buying jeans and sneakers.

Take footwear, for example. What is the boy equivalent of sandals? LM needs some sock-free footwear for the dog days and H has outlawed sandals in anyway shape or form as falling dangerously close to that Euro category. And Crocs? I'd be better off with the man-dals since H thinks boys who wear Crocs look like Pinocchio even if they are camo-patterned (no hate to all my mom friends whose sons rock this look! Don't stone me at the playground!).

And pants. Again, what is the boy equivalent of capris? He needs something to wear on his lower half on those in-between, sixty-eight degree days when it is too cold to wear shorts but he turns into a thirty-five pound sweat ball when I put him in pants. So do I buy man-pris, otherwise known as clam-diggers (which always sounds vaguely dirty to me)? Over H's dead body. But take a look at the "shorts" H bought LM last week. Are these not really capris? They fall two inches above his ankle for Christ's sake! In fact, I'm worried about him wearing them when the weather really heats up because I don't think they allow enough of his leg to breathe. But God forbid I buy any short-shorts. H might divorce me and sue for custody. Which some male judge would probably give him if he brought the shorts in as evidence.

So I will trudge on trying to outfit my son and not offend his budding Tim Gunn of a father. I think have found a solution though and am now requiring Hubby to do most of the shopping if he's going to have that much of an opinion. This will also help me down the road preventing that dreaded father ailment, Have-No-Idea-How-Much-Things-Cost-in-the-Modern-World-itis.

*I used to rail against the fact the Noggin went from broadcasting preschool-aged programming between the hours of 6:00am and 6:00pm to airing twenty fours hours, "All children should be in bed at this hour!!!", but I have never been more grateful to see Joe's hammy mug in my life.

**Obviously, not in the homosexual sense, but in the loser-who-gets-his-ass-kicked sense as we are no homophobes here. And if that's what he really meant he'd have to tell me to return Little Man's "RuPaul for President" t-shirt.

***To clarify for my European readers lest Adam drive over to my house to throttle me, H is referring specifically to the German style of dark socks with sandals and/or t-shirts with non-identifiable cartoon characters on them and phrases like "Summer fun!"