OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE BEST. T-SHIRT. EVER! And if it weren't entirely inappropriate to wear a shirt bearing the word "sucks" around children, or to be wearing a T-shirt with a witty phrase on it after having kids (I'm talking to you mother wearing the "Little Miss Bossy" t-shirt) I would be strutting my stuff wearing it at the playground.
Regardless of its appropriateness, the sentiment expressed on this item is the main reason I flipped my lid because it is entirely true and calls into the spotlight the practice children's shows have been engaging in for years - working their tails off to endear a character in the hearts of American children and then, after a few years, when the actor playing said character realizes being recognized on the street by three year olds isn't getting him as much tail as he hoped and leaves to be a "real actor", replacing him with another clueless ingenue, picking up right where the last one left off, hoping the costume fits, and their pint-sized viewers won't notice to begin the cycle again. Examples? When they replaced the original Gordon on Sesame Street or the lady who hosted Romper Room.
I will give Nickelodeon credit for not trying to dupe the children of America ala Gordon, thinking if they subbed a similar-looking (in this case) white guy and put him in the same costume no one would notice. "No, look! It's still Steve! He's wearing the same ill-fitting khakis and green striped shirt! Really!" No, they actually wrote a story line explaining that Steve was going off to college and his brother Joe was coming to live with Blue and take care of her (although why Joe couldn't just take Blue to his place smacks of a homeless ne'er-do-well brother if you ask me).
Even though I admire the way they went about replacing Steve, I still stick to my guns about the inferiority of his stand-in. Steve had a vulnerable sincerity that was believable as a kid and endearing as a parent. He really seemed to care whether or not we got all three clues and kids believed him when he sang "You sure are smart!". His aw-shucks dorkiness made me love him even more (Since I loves me a dork. Shout out, H!) and I enjoyed watching him mature over the years from an ingenue with a bad, nineties bowl-cut in pleated pants into a confident young man sporting the George Clooney Ceasar and flat-front chinos. I literally burst into tears, hugely pregnant with #2, watching his final episode as he looked straight into the camera and delivered his catch phrase in a small voice, "Well, goodbye. Thanks for all your help." Oh, Steve!
Enter Joe. Meh. Joe of the jazz-hands, hammy gesture, and who must have really terrible pores as the makeup department spackles him with enough foundation to put RuPaul to shame. This guy just doesn't have the same je ne sais quoi of Mr. Burns and he's pulling out all the off-off-Broadway stops to make up for it. He's too much where he should be reserved, and looks like a deer in headlights when asking the audience a question. Joe is so awful, in fact, they had to resuscitate the ratings by having Blue "magically" find her voice and begin to talk. Disappointing, as her first words were not, "Who's this asshole and why is he wearing so much makeup?"
It doesn't help that his character is also lacking. Sure, they tried with the orange shirt with the squares, but we loved Steve's costume because it wasn't a costume - most of us had a boyfriend in the 90's who had that shirt in a different color scheme. And please with Joe's duck obsession. Couldn't they find a cooler animal? Aardvarks are where it's at, man. He's the bastrad at the family reunion and no one wants to admit it.
So I will continue to delete from my DVR any episodes that feature Joe. Steve was there for all the hard work - potty training Blue, Blue's first day of school, and the birth of Paprika and Cinnamon (I bet he was there telling Mrs. Pepper how nice she looked even though she looked more like a sugar bowl after two kids) - now they expect us to let this guy ride in on his coat tails? I think not. And while I can not sport the supportive t-shirt, in my heart I burn with rage.
1 comment:
You know what's hysterical, I know "Joe". He was my boyfriend's BFF during my NYC years and was a BAD boy. He had to sign a severe contract and basically cut ties with all his boys to get the gig so bye bye "Joe", hello Joe. He does suck though.
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