Where my gays at?

Thank you, Kathy Griffin, for the above catchphrase. Like Kathy, I am a total fag hag. If there are fabulous gay men in the room I will find them like a hair-product-good-fashion-sense seeking missile and we will spend the night becoming BFF's discussing celebrity gossip and making fun of people's bad fashion choices (Evil? Yes. Fun? Absolutely!) What I love about flamboyantly gay men (I do not enjoy the closeted, masculine type who are offended by feather boas and anything hot pink) is their emotional availability and brutal honety. If you can take take their crap and then dish it right back, you are granted a spot in their inner circle and they will cat fight anyone to the death to defend you. So, in an effort to return to the old routine and honor my boys, this Friday's Top 5:

The Top 5 Gays of TV and Entertainment

5. RuPaul - Yes, gasp audibly that I have put the mother of all drag queens at lowly number 5, but really, there is no last place in this contest of fabulosity. I owe RuPaul so much as she turned me on to MAC cosmetics and I have never looked back. Don't hate her because she's beautiful (although she did look a bit of a tranny hot mess on Project Runway a few weeks back). You betta' WORK! And if you hate her music, we are not friends.

4. Speaking of Project Runway, how can I not include the ultimate in support, Tim Gunn? While he is the typically flamboyant fashion gay, he lacks the cattiness. His critiques of contestants creations are so gentle, yet honest, it brings a tear to my eye. "That's a lot of look." is such a nice way of saying, "Wow, that's fugly!" He now has a makeover show and I would give my eye teeth to be on it and hear his kind assessment of my body and help me dress it well.

3. Bob Harper from The Biggest Loser - You all know I adore this show and one of the reasons is the butch-enough-looking-to-possibly-be-straight-but-too-good-looking-and-nice-so-is-definitely-gay trainer, Bob Harper. Bob is the antithesis to the odious, screaming, Jillian. He will stand himself in front of your treadmill saying supportive yet challenging things like,"Two weeks ago you couldn't even walk this. Now look at you run! You can go faster. Let's do it." I love you, Bob and mornings I can not get my ass in gear on the treadmill I picture you in front of me gently saying, "Do you really want to start wearing mom jeans?"

2. Now if Isaac Mizrahi would partner with Tim Gunn to style me I would be in fashion heaven. Yet another gentle soul, especially when he mentions his own body insecurities when helping women dress themselves on Oprah ("I've got hips too, but you don't see me wearing sweatpants!"), he is the perfect sartorial mensch. He is a bit of a crier too so I'd like to end our day shopping with a bottle of champagne and a viewing of Tears of Endearment.

1. And my number one gay of all time...Lloyd from Entourage. Lloyd is the perfect personal assistant - kind, caring, strong, supportive, honest and loving. No matter how badly Ari treats him, he knows they have a special bond and he walked away from security and big company to prove it. Lloyd loves to cross the line between professional and personal and that is exactly what I would want in a personal assistant. Yes, answer my phone, but tell me when my skin looks dry or my outfit doesn't suit me. Schedule my meetings, but know Hubby's favorite beer.

Hubby and I joke we both need Lloyds. Mine shows up at the house each morning with iced coffee and the day's schedule (if I can afford a Lloyd it obviously includes much grooming and shopping) and the kids run to him covering him and his Italian suit with kisses and slobber and he loves it. We kibitz in the kitchen while we plan the day and he tells me all about his exploits from the previous evening. Hubby's Lloyd schedules his stuff too, but orders flowers for me on a regular basis and suggests creative gifts and getaways for which H takes all the credit. I know it's really Lloyd though and make sure he gets a huge holiday bonus. Our two Lloyds are friends (but not in that way) and they collude to make our life run pleasantly and seamlessly. Ah, if only.
WHERE ARE YOU LLOYD?!!!

My list could go on and on because, really, the queenish, gay man is so wonderful there are too many to list. I would challenge any homophobe from the deepest South to spend one day with any of these men (OK, maybe not Ru, she'd wind up bitch-slapping him and then we'd have another Civil War on our hands) and not feel loved and supported, then go out and vote for gay marriage. If anyone of could raise a perfect, caring kid, Lloyd would be the one.

Happy Friday! Fierce!