Whenever Hubby travels for work I really get a chance to see how different life is when you have a spouse who is not there all the time. While one could say I am essentially a single parent Monday through Friday as Hubby is gone, most days, from 7:00am to 7:00pm which, coincidentally, are basically the children's waking hours, it is a different experience when you are doing it entirely on your own. So I have come up with a pro and con list for having H travel for work.
Pros of Hubby Traveling
1. No dirty lunch containers in the sink at six in the morning - Since H spends so little time at home it's nice to have a reminder of him after he leaves in the morning, or at least he thinks so. And what is that exactly? The dirty Tupperware from his lunch the previous day that has been fermenting in his work bag. I get all romantical feeling when I smell day-old pasta and sauce.
2. Shaquille O'Neal has left the building - You know those little paper tags the dry cleaner attaches to each shirt with the number on them? No? Well your husband must dispose of them properly instead of leaving strewn around the bedroom wastebasket instead of in the wastebasket like over-sized confetti. Maybe he thinks it puts me in a party mood. Guess what? It doesn't.
3. Imelda doesn't live here anymore - H does not have a million pairs of shoes, but you would think so as he insists on leaving every pair he owns next to the front door in what is the main room of our house. There's nothing I love more than seeing the baby crawling/clomping around with his hands in the shoes Daddy wears on the homeless-guy piss-covered platforms of the NYC transit system.
4. I can look like shit - Maybe it's a bad thing that the only person's whose opinion I really care about is H's, so when he's away it's track pants and baseball hats galore - I mean more than usual. Even on my worst days, when he's coming home, I blow out my bangs and throw on some mascara at five o'clock so he doesn't think, "Jesus..."
5. "I'd like to place an order for delivery" - That's right, Mean Mommy takes off her chef's hat when H is away. While my culinary offerings are pretty meager usually, on these days I feed the kids soy nuggets and scrambled eggs and, if I'm feeling motivated after they go to bed, have a Lean Cuisine myself. Otherwise I just consume a shameful amount of peanut butter and call it a night.
6. "Tonight on The Bachelorette..." - If it's bad reality TV, especially on WEtv, or TLC, it's getting watched during a business trip. Of course while consuming said peanut butter in my track pants.
7. "Mommy, where are you?" - That a direct quote from my oldest who had come out of her room last night to get a drink of water when she could not find me in my usual spot o the couch since I was already in bed at eight thirty. Yup, I indulge my single-parenthood exhaustion and old-lady need for nine hours of sleep a night, which I usually sacrifice for H in order to actually see him for more than an hour on a daily basis, and hit the hay while it is still light out.
Cons of Hubby traveling
1. How many Tylenol PM can I take and still function? - Despite my early bedtime, I sleep like shit when H's away. I'm flailing all over this big bed and I have no one to put my year-round, ice-cold feet on in the middle of the night, or wake up with thrice nightly searches for my errant sleep mask (why I sleep with one when all I do is unconsciously remove it is a question he never asks). It stinks.
2. No family gym membership* - H motivates me when he's home to get my ass up and work out. While I am the one to get up first, knowing he's coming down the stairs in an hour and will make some witty comment to make me laugh keeps me going.
3. No Little Man show - Watching H with LM in the morning is hilarious. Listening to him scream, "DAAAAA" when he sees H is priceless. When I got him up this morning the first thing has said was, "Bus!" Ingrate.
4. "Thank you! I'll be here all week!" - No one thinks I'm as funny as H does. Is it a bad thing if you love being married to someone because they laugh at all your jokes, no matter how lame?
5. Reality TV does stink- I also realize that half the reason I love watching bad reality TV is to hear H's reaction to it. Especially when he cries out for "the knitting needles of mercy" (a throw back to my short-lived knitting phase, don't ask) to shove in his ears during The Bachelor.
6. 100% more running down the driveway dragging the garbage cans behind me in a race to beat the garbage truck and, thusly, 100% more garbage strewn all over the driveway for LM to step in as he chases after me.
7. I'm not me without him - Even though this list is shorter, this last item is the one that trumps them all. Having spent more than half my life with him, I'm just not me without H. And while the logistics of the house may seem easier when I know I only have myself to depend on (and his detritus in not everywhere) it's not the same house with out him. I do enjoy the track pants though.
* And he can run interference with the kids should one of them wake up before I finish. Like when #2, my usually late sleeper, woke up at five-fucking-thirty, this morning and would not shut the hell up while on the computer so I had to stop the treadmill and answer her questions every thirty-five seconds.
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