I was at the park the other day with the kids when I witnessed what I'd like to say is an unusual event. A mother was telling her son it was time to go and he was having a full-on fit - screaming, crying, throwing himself on the ground. The mother had done all the things we're "supposed" to do, she had given him a ten minute, then five minute warning, she stayed positive and ignored the bad behavior ("Let's go home! You can help me make dinner!") all this with a baby strapped to her chest and another in the double stroller (twins!). It took her twenty minutes to get to the gate of the park and another fifteen to get him in the car. Then, while she strapped the babies in their seats the kid proceeded to climb into the driver's seat and honk the horn at random intervals for ten minutes. This is when I ask myself, dear readers, when did we give up control?
This episode at the park is produced by co-parenting. I don't mean the kind where two divorced parents share custody, I mean the kind where the kid is allowed to call some of the shots. I don't say all of the shots because this woman stuck to her guns, rightly, and got the kid out of the park - eventually. I understand that kids need to feel some kind of control in their lives, but what ever happened to "Because I said so."? This constant bargaining and counting to ten and "this is your warning"s are completely ineffective. When I was a kid, I listened the first time or there was hell to pay. With these kids, they must wonder, "What? Are you going to take away my TV time? You'll just give it back to me later when I beg long and hard enough." Other parents must think me a monster and I feel a little uncomfortable afterwards when I give my kids the beaver face (lips tightened, front teeth slightly exposed) and I whisper-scream, "Are you kidding me? You get over here right NOW!" instead of asking them why they don't want to leave the playbround.
So parents out there, let's make a deal. I won't judge you when you yell at your kids and you won't judge me. Maybe if we weren't afraid of looking like bad parents, we'd make our kids tow the line more often. Otherwise we might have the lunatics running the asylum, I mean, playground.
3 comments:
Great point. As you know from being a teacher, if this "co-parenting" thing isn't nipped at a young age kids go through life thinking everything's in their control.
I remember being shocked the first time a kid wanted to negotiate my lesson plan with me. "Actually, Ms. Stehle, I think it would be better if..." Are you kidding me? I never would have dreamed of giving my teachers advice on how they did their jobs.
Granted, there are times when kids need to know their voices are heard and taken into consideration, but the person in charge needs to be calling the shots on that one. It does kids such a disservice when they think they have total control over everything in their lives. Name one adult who can do anything s/he wants whenever s/he wants (Bill Gates aside)?
Just take one look at our young celebrity culture and you see the impact of kids never being told no and being the ones in control. They grow up thinking they can do whatever they want and have no consequences. Wait, I can't drive drunk? What do you mean jail time? But I'm a special; the rules don't apply to me. Sadly this has crept into the real world too, and as a teacher I too know all to well what happens when parents refuse to parent. So I'm behind you Mary, 100%. If we ever run into each other at the playground and you've got your beaver face on, all you'll get from me is a thumbs up!
This comes at such a good time - I was just speaking to my neighbor who is a plastic surgeon. She hired 2 19 year old girls to do some filing and basic office work. After weeks of misfiled papers etc. she spoke to the girls about improving or being let go. She then informed me that after her talk with the girls THEIR MOTHERS CALLED THE OFFICE TO STICK UP FOR THEM!!! Would you ever? Better yet would your mother ever? She then told me it is common practice for mothers to call and negoiate raises for their children. That is
awful and you know what - I think it all starts on the playground just as you described. Lord help me if I ever get that deep into new parenting techniques. Let my kids think I'm a meany sometimes -but guess what I wouldn't be doing them any favors otherwise.
Sasha
Post a Comment