"Hi there. My name is Todd. Don't you dig this totally boss beverage holster my wife got me for Father's Day? I use it when I drink my one token Heineken during the overly-orchestrated, Pottery Barn catalouge-esque barbecues my wife arranges with women from her pilates class so they can come over with their I-wear-pressed-Brooks-Brothers-khakis-even-on-the-weekend husbands, and three hyperactive children who are all allrergic to wheat. Using this baby, both my hands are free to gesture emphatically during discussions about boating and artisinal cheeses.
Did you think this holster was to allow me to chase my kids around while enjoying a beverage? Nah, that's what domestics are for! Just ask my wife. It's two o'clock and she's only had a bottle of wine, so she might remember she has kids. And speaking of my wife, doesn't this rig look a bit like an S&M get-up, with it's tight leather band around my thigh? Yet another reason I love it! Because in my sexless marraige, this is as much kink as I'm going to get. If you don't count my addiction to online porn, obviously."
1 comment:
I may have just peed my pants reading this. I think maybe you should replace your previous Friday lists with picking a random picture and commenting on it like this one!
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