Jon & Kate make me cry...

While at the grocery store yesterday, waiting in line behind, yet another, old woman who can't understand the concept of filling out the check while the cashier is scanning your items, I had a moment to peruse the tabloid rack. Alongside the covers featuring the Kardashian sisters (remind me why they're famous again?) were sidebars cleaning up the scraps of the Gosselins' divorce and I had to sigh a sad little sigh thinking about Jon minus Kate.

After the kids were in bed last night and H was out walking the dog, I decided to do some research and watch bits of old episodes of Jon and Kate Plus Eight courtesy of our OnDemand service. And there Kate was in all her screeching, reverse-Mohawk-wearing, control freak glory. Watch as she warns the children not to get their clothing dirty during their cupcake-baking birthday party. Watch her potty train all the sextuplets at once, forcing them to sit on the potty en mass, drinking juice, until they felt the urge to urinate. Watch her force sick kids to sleep on folded up blankets on the laundry room floor when a bout of stomach flu had hit the house. Speaking of stomachs, watch her selfishly go get a tummy tuck while the kids are still young enough to need carrying, knowing the recovery will be hell. Watch her write and travel endlessly to push her books, brazenly making money off her children. And of course, watch her scream at Jon when he gives her a vacant, sloe-eyed stare after being asked where the kids' shoes are while trying to get ready for church. God this woman is a harpy.

And yet....

I can't help but defend her. Back in the day, when LM was really tiny and I thought I would lose my mind, I watched this show once in a while on winter afternoons since it is totally G-rated, the girls found it hilarious this family had eight kids, and it didn't involve animation. Kate made me feel less alone, being outnumbered by my kids and, admittedly, like a big pussy for feeling overwhelmed. And instead of making me hate her, it inspired me to be more organized, to keep up what I felt were my useless efforts to feed my children healthfully and not to feel bad about flipping out once in a while. At least there weren't cameras in my house.

Everyone wants to make Kate out to be this controlling, husband-abusing, money-hungry bitch, but really, what choice did she have? Granted, some of her tactics were over the top, but the fact that she was able to potty train six children simultaneously is awe-inspiring. If they were my kids I'd be buying the smallest size of Depends to this day. And the stomach flu episode? Well, the kids thought it was some kind of adventure, I'm sure, sleeping someplace new, as mine would get a kick sleeping in their closet if I gave in to their requests, and how else was she going to monitor all the puking? Alright, maybe it was cruel due to the lack of television.

I know there are members of my family (who shall remain nameless) who hate Kate with the fire of a thousand suns, and her choice to have plastic surgery sends them over the edge. Well, if someone offered me a free tummy tuck after birthing eight children and carrying around enough extra skin to make a Caucasian-hide Burkin bag, I'd have left skid marks in the driveway no matter how bad the recovery was going to be or how much it would put my husband out. Does that make me vain? Possibly. And Kate cooked and froze two weeks worth of organic meals for nine people before she left. I would have given H directions to McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's to ensure my kids had enough variety in their diets.

To the point that Kate is shamelessly exploiting her children to make money - who exactly do you think she's making all this moolah for? She has said she did the show for the memories at first and now does it to provide for her family. She is being completely honest and I applaud her for that. She had no idea it would be a cash cow, but now that it is and it's obvious she was married to the world's most useless man, why not milk it for all it's worth before it ends? Do I think she's buying herself a few handbags and pairs of shoes? Sure.

Speaking of her brain-dead, teenager-fucking, Ed Hardy-wearing, man-child of an ex-husband, what choice did Kate have but to become a lunatic when her partner has not a clue? All those times we saw her scream at Jon, I felt her frustration at having to keep such a massive boat afloat with this idiot as an anchor around her neck. I am positive, if H and I were to do a reality show, I would be edited in the same way and he is actually a functioning parent. And all those who say she turned into a real witch over the years and he couldn't take it anymore - who do you think did that to her, Jon? YOU! And your dopey-ass self! And let's say, for the sake of argument, Kate was this way from the get-go, which I think is a theory that has some validity, then Jon knew what he was getting into, and he can lie in the bed he made. I'm not saying Kate is blameless here, but if he was so unhappy with what the show was doing to him and his family then grow a pair, lay down the law, and tell your wife, for the good of your family and your children, the show is over. But then who would pay for all your butt-ugly t-shirts, right?

Before you deluge me with hate mail, I do not think this woman is a saint. I just think she is making the best of a tough situation and I don't judge her for that. Maybe I am a sucker, but I really believe this woman has her children's best interests at heart. Looking back at old footage, it makes me so sad. Jon and Kate seemed so much like me and H. Boy, that sounds bad. But what I mean is their playful banter in the interview chair and the way he would roll his eyes at her, but you knew he respected what she did, or used to. You can tell in interviews now that she is still really in love with Jon and her heart is broken.

When discussing this post idea with H, he started laughing as I really worked myself into a lather saying, "Sounds like you're defending one of your own!" That might have a grain of truth. Well if one of my own is a ballsy woman who likes a clean house, well-behaved children* and who fights to make the best of a tough situation and has no patience for nonsense, then I am flattered to be counted among her company.

Except for the hair. Something needs to be done about that hair.

*Except for that Maddy, what the hell happened there?