Be sweetie and sit on the seatie...

So the girls are off for their annual trip to Florida and H and I spent the weekend continuing to put the house back together. Having taken the girls to the airport twice in the last week, I have had a greater than average interaction with large, public restrooms as of late, and I was reminded, as I usually am, of my sister's groundbreaking idea when it comes to the toilets in public ladies' rooms. Her idea is simple, Let's all pledge to SIT DOWN.

Now before you all start screeching, "But I'll catch something!", let me tell you the results of my extensive research (which consists Goolging "germs public toilet seats"). Apparently, unless you have open sores on your tush , there is very little chance of catching something from a toilet seat. Which, if you do have sores, you are excused from the Sit Down Movement since you are probably home lying on your stomach waiting for your butt to heal.

But lets' think about it. What really skeeves you out about sitting on a public toilet seat? The possibility of getting wet with someone else's pee. The only way the seat gets wet is when we all hover over the seat, thighs trembling, causing us to try and pee faster, which, in turn, creates a lawn sprinkler situation, spraying the seat. Well, everyone sitting down would prevent all of that.

Sitting down is really the only way, even if you have quads of steel (such as myself after moving into this house) and can squat for long periods of time and still have perfect aim. And I'm not even sure perfect aim is possible. As H put it while we were potty training each of the girls, and he became way too familiar with the practical uses of the female anatomy, "Your equipment is really not designed all that well. Jesus, it gets everywhere!" No kidding. Ever try a nature pee? I love how men can go off into the woods and come out dry as a bone, while women have to squat, hope they're not rubbing their privates on some poison ivy, and try not to pee on the back of their own pants or feet. The male parts are more precision-oriented in that respect, although by the looks of my bathroom, H has pretty bad aim.

So let us join together, ladies, and pledge to give our legs a break and sit comfortably while relieving ourselves. If we can sit with confidence, knowing women everywhere are taking part in this movement, it will save us so much trouble in the bathroom. I especially, will enjoy being able to go into a public bathroom stall with the kids* and not have to prevent #2 from walking to the side of the commode to actually watch the pee go into the toilet like some twisted Vegas-style water display, which then usually leads to more fur vagina talk and questions about why Mommy's underwear go "up her heinie".

But letting my girls sit? I have to think about that one...

*Yet another indignity of being a mother with small children is squeezing all four of us into the handicapped stall after waiting for some bitch, who is all by her lonesome, and very able-bodied, to finish so that I can pee with an audience. And if the handicapped stall is out of order? Then we all squeeze into a regular one. It's like a clown car with waste products.