Take a little time

I had great time this weekend. I went to my sister in-law's baby shower one day and then spent the day having lunch with my aunt the next. The evenings were spent hanging out with my husband, so all in all, I'd say it was the perfect weekend. My hubby, however tells an entirely different story.

According to him, spending so much time alone with his children was akin to working in a coal mine. Now let me preface this story by expressing what a great father my husband is. He is loving and physically affectionate with all of the kids. He plays with them, but doesn't overdo it in the jackass department where I feel like I have four children instead of three. He and I create the rules and boundaries together and he enforces them regularly, not requiring me to be the bad cop. So I wasn't asking him to be a different kind of parent or do things out of the ordinary, it was the fact that he had to do it alone and for such an extended period of time that he found exhausting. "Hmm", I told him. "Because I wouldn't know anything about that basically being a single parent during the workweek, now would I?"

This is the point where my husband starts being all "Yeah, yeah. You're better at it, I know." and this is not my focus at all. I'm more interested in his acknowledging how draining this job is - especially when you do it for five consecutive days - and that some time away from "work" is what I need each week. Saturday morning, I expressed this desire outright when he asked me why I was so crabby. It was because I had already fed all the kids, made the beds, and vacuumed, like any other day. I was still at work! How would he feel if he got dragged into a meeting at nine o'clock on a Saturday? Add to this, I'm usually trying to get the family ready to go somewhere where I can't wear my weekday uniform of baseball hat and yoga pants so I have to do all of my usual crap and make myself presentable as well. As I mentioned, this Saturday it was my sister in-law's shower to which I was going, but only bringing the baby - this constituted a "break" in hubby's book as I only had the one, non-mobile child to care for during a social event.

Sunday morning when I was getting ready to go on the true "break" portion of the weekend, up to Connecticut to have lunch with my fabulous aunt, he had the nerve to ask me, "Are you really going? I haven't seen you much." When I called my aunt to check the location he looked at me, crestfallen, after I got off the phone and said, " I thought you were calling to cancel." Fat chance. This may seem bitchy to some since I know it seems he wanted to spend time with me, which may be true, but I had to draw a line somewhere. In my opinion, every mother, every parent, deserves a break once a week. I do not expect my husband to go from work to home and never have time for himself, and I expect him to extend me the same courtesy. If he doesn't then it's my job to take it by force. I do not understand these women who tell me, "I never have time for myself." What man in his right mind is going to suggest you leave him with all the kids? I totally understand why they don't. You would have time for yourself if you demanded it. Get off the cross, lady, and go get a pedicure.

So ladies, let me be the one to tell you it's OK to leave the house without a child, diaper bag or list of errands to do. You have a right to recharge your batteries and your husband has a responsibility to make sure you do. The next time he asks you if it's OK he plays golf next Saturday, after you say yes, you pick up the phone and schedule a massage for yourself Sunday.