Have any of you seen the commercials for Jerry Seinfeld’s new show The Marriage Ref, that started after the Olympics*? I don’t know about you, dear readers, but I am super excited about this show.
The premise is, cameras follow a couple who have a nagging, long-standing issue threatening the happiness of their marriage, allowing us to be relationship voyeurs. The footage is then reviewed by a panel of judges**, and a call is made as to who is right and who is wrong.
My GOD, do I want to be on this show!!! Well, not really. Not least of all, because I would never get H to agree to it (he won’t even let me use his real name on this blog for Christ’s sake), but also because H and I mock people on reality shows too mercilessly to subject myself to that. But, in theory, how great would it be - when you and your mate have reach a stalemate over taking out the garbage, making the kid’s lunches or who ate the last of the ice cream the kids usually have for dessert, even though he said he was off sweets, and therefore, must go to the store to replace it, even though it’s raining – to have an impartial third party make the call?
In my fantasy, H and I are standing in the kitchen, locked in debate, and the double doors of the pantry fly open with the shrill cry of a whistle and a man in a striped shirt pops out making the timeout sign with his hands. Of course, it has to be a man. If it were a woman, H would accuse us of collusion along gender lines and disregard the call. I, on the other hand, am so convinced of my righteousness 99% of the time that my ref, male or female, would surely see it.
What I find really enticing is the concept of a camera documenting the couple’s actions as evidence for either side. In my fantasy, your entire life is being recorded (by hidden cameras, not a film crew, since I have to pee with the door open almost 100% of the time). So when one of you says, “I’M NOT THE ONE WHO STARTED YELLING!!! YOU DID!!!” You can rewind and see a slow-motion replay and be vindicated. Or not – as I am usually the one who starts yelling.
As newlyweds, fights are usually ended with protestations along the lines of, “No, no! I was wrong!”, but somewhere along the way it changes to, “No, no YOU were wrong!” At what point do you start to argue like adversaries looking to score points? Perhaps I’m the only one and you’re all reading, thinking, “Um, yeah. Good luck in divorce court.”, but I don’ think so if the scenes played out on every sitcom on TV are any proof.
Sometimes there is no right and wrong. Part of marriage is learning to work through the impasses and find a peaceable way to coexist. You have to develop the ability to examine your own behavior from another’s perspective, without the benefit of cameras, and occasionally, or often, find the strength to admit you were at fault, without feeling like you’re “losing”. Cold comfort when you just know you asked her to deposit that Girl Scout check before you left for work.
So while I will watch The Marriage Ref, even though there is a celebrity panel I feel has no right giving any kind of marriage advice, I will do so for laughs, but I will also wonder if it’s not perpetuating some marital strife in the real world. Because at the end of the day, does it matter more who was right or wrong, or that you can both manage life little grievances without keeping score?
*Thank you Olympics for preempting all my NBC shows, and forcing the other networks to only air repeats. Also, I thought the Stanley Cup was at the beginning of the summer. I do not need any more hockey on my TV, thanks. And why is ice dancing like figure skating in drag?
** Madonna? Really? Go eat a sandwich to put some fat on those Gollum arms and go away.
POST-PUBLISH NOTE - I saw this morning that Tina Fey will be on tonight. She more than cancels out Madonna.
No comments:
Post a Comment