Keepin' It Classy In New Town

I know how you all love when I share my most deeply embarrassing parenting, and non-parenting moments, with you dear readers, so please, enjoy in it's entirety, the email exchange I accidentally had on the school website this morning:

The email I received:

"Dear Parents,
As noted on our website, Visitation Day is Wednesday, November 4 from 9:00-11:30 for Pre-K through grade 5 and from 12:30-1:15 for PM sessions of Pre-K and kindergarten. No siblings please."

My response:

"How the f@ck am I supposed to do this alone? I am so tired of being between a rock and hard place with these schools assuming you don't have any other kids."

This message was intended for H, and I hadn’t even realized it had not gone to him until this mother kindly wrote back:

"Hi Mary,

I'm not sure who should answer this. I forwarded your email to find out who could answer your question.

Random Mom"

So imagine the scene as I read this email. All the color drained from my face as I stared incredulously at my Blackberry screen. Having sent the email from the home computer, I started moaning, “Oh no, oh no”, under my breath, #2 asking as I threw her off the computer, “Mommy, what’s wrong?”. And there I saw in my Sent folder, I had replied to the school mailbox rather than sending my missive to H.

I. Was. Screwed. Let's dissect my mortification, shall we?

First, notice the lack of salutation. If I had only prefaced this rant with "Hubby", anyone not named "Hubby" would know this had to be an error. I normally do not greet H in emails, so this came in handy allowing anyone who read it to think my rage was directed at them.

Second, oh yes, the f-bomb. I drop them so frequently in said non-salutatory emails, I have been blocked by H's office's compliance software. Hence my clever use of the "@" symbol. While I still look like a classless, sewer-mouth who should be hiking up her low-rise jeans, trying to light a Newport, while simultaneously pulling Little Man out of his car-seat-less spot in my Chevy Nova, at least I look like I was trying to tone it down a tiny bit. Kind of like Lil' Km wearing that pasty. You all know my love of swearing when aggravated, but I wasn’t quite ready to let the citizenry of New Town know that just yet.

Third, I go beyond railing against the sitter-less-unless-it’s-Thursday confines of my existence and go on to attack the school. I do have a valid point, since if younger siblings are not welcome, who, but the stay at home parent of all school-aged children, would be able to attend this event? But being new to town, I’m not about to go all Norma Rae and start shouting from my soapbox – yet.

Notice how Random Mom's language is all don’t-rattle-the-cage-y? She isn't even going to acknowledge my obvious mental instability. Like ignoring the guy who's shouting at you while peeing in the corner of the subway car. Email would not be fast enough to prevent my kids forever being known as “the children of that crazy, foul-mouthed redhead”. I immediately Googled her, got her number and called. Thankfully, she was totally cool, laughed, and went on to tell me she is in the same boat herself, as are many other moms and they are all pissed. She also mercifully informed me that only she checks the school account, not the principal and the entire PTA, as I had feared.

So in the end, dear readers, Mean Mommy has not yet earned herself a reputation here in New Town. But now that I know the parent body is behind me, perhaps I need to start a letter writing campaign about this no sibling nonsense. And this time, mine will be expletive free.