The title's of today's post comes from a website highlighted during the human interest portion of the early, early news. This is a website that traffics in once cherished, now unwanted, jewelry - specifically engagement and wedding rings. And while you would think, I would have objections to a site such as this, concerning wearing other people's misfortune on your finger, I actually think this idea is genius - if the guy's an asshole and dumps you, why not sell his ring and buy a car?
It was the couple they interviewed during the segment who got the wheels turning.
The couple, who were featured shopping this website, were the typical type who wind up on Bridezillas, Whose Wedding Is It Anyway and all the other voyeuristic nuptial-related programs conveniently aired on Sunday evenings so I can enjoy them while working on my Sunday night glass of wine. She, overbearing and demanding, with a this-is-my-day-and-I-will-be-a-princess-no-matter-what-the-cost attitude and he, subdued, beaten down by the daily onslaught of criticisms and demands, staring sleepily into the camera, waking only to mutter a "Yes, dear" when prompted.*
She began to tell the story about their betrothal and how everything was smooth sailing until the issue of the ring came up. His budget? $5,000. Hers? $10,000-$15,000. And this is the point I throw my water bottle at the screen, screaming, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????" This, to me, is part of the bigger problem of divorce.
It seems to me, the focus on all the bells and whistles of a wedding, rather than on the marriage itself, is causing a lot of post-honeymoon "So now what?" let downs, and the ring is just the starting point. Look at engagement rings. This ring is supposed to be your partners offering of love to you in exchange for your spending the rest of your life with him.** It should not be a piece of jewelry that will put him in debt until your twenty-fifth wedding anniversary just so you can impress the girls at work. In my opinion, this ring should be a reflection of where you were in life when you got engaged, not where you plan to be in twenty years. If a half a carat is all he can afford, then so be it. And horror of all horrors, maybe you even accept a ring that's not a diamond.
Now don't get me wrong, I went through a massive period of ring lust around the time H and I got engaged and you all know I am a major jewelry whore, but looking around at women my age, who did receive huge rocks, it just didn't seem right. Like they were playing dress-up with their mother's jewelry. Isn't the beginning of your marriage supposed to be about building a home and life together? Didn't Frank Sinatra say "The Best is Yet to Come"? My ring may not be the hugest on the block***, but when I look at it I see twenty-four year-old H, doing his best to buy the nicest ring he could for me, running downtown to the jeweler on his lunch break, with a wad of cash in his pocket, having palpitations he was going to get mugged going on or coming from this errand. (And don't get me started on women who are there when their fiances buy their ring. Can we say "control issues"?)
Even wedding rings, I think, have taken a turn for the worse. There are loads and loads of songs that make reference to a "band of gold". Will the kids of today even know what that means when all they see are diamond eternity bands on the married women around them? And before you ask me how the sour grapes taste, I honestly, honestly, did not want an eternity band when I got married. Diamond lover that I am, I don't even wear my engagement ring on a daily basis for fear of the stone falling out at the playground or falling down a drain. So an entire band of diamonds seemed like sentencing me to a life as an amputee on a practical basis so afraid would I be to use my left hand.
Our wedding bands was one of the few areas of our nuptials in which H had a strong opinion. Obviously, because it was a non-time-telling piece of jewelry he was going to be wearing for the rest of his life, but also because he felt it represented us as a team. He was adamant about our rings looking very similar. I did him one better and got the very same ring as he did. A thick, solid, platinum band, with a loving sentiment engraved on the inside seemed to reflect us. If the engagement ring is a symbol of your circumstances when you decided to get hitched, then I wanted my ring to be a symbol of our marriage - strong, durable, able to go through anything and maintain its understated beauty.
And before you all send me loads of hate mail, yes, I do know plenty of great couples in which the wife has a large engagement ring and/or an eternity band. What really pisses me off is people buying these things who can not afford them or merely want them as status symbols. If you are happy and flush, then bling-bling away. I just wish the message were out there that all that extra stuff is not what a marriage is about and if you don't feel you can marry someone without being presented with the Hope Diamond then I pity you the day one of you walks through the door bearing the financial burden of a pink slip or an unexpected positive pregnancy test. Well, maybe not, because then at least you can hock the ring.
*Who does that remind me of? Hmmm...
**K, for simplicity I am referring to the parties as male and female in an obvious hetero-centric way - no hate. And you and Chrissy did an awesome job on your rings!
***Keep your shirt on, H. I can already hear the complaints "Nice to make me look like a cheap bastard!" My ring is lovely, people.
4 comments:
oh this post is true, true, true. going through wedding planning right now it is clear to me that the real spirit of marriage is getting lost in all this pomp and circumstance.
ps: we shopped for our engagement rings together and it was such a wonderful, meaningful thing to do together. i super recommend it...
-k
I agree with you completely. I LOVE my rings and what they represent. My hubby was busting his a** to get me a ring and I never expected a thing. He told me I could upgrade when we got older and wealthier and I told him not a chance. This is us, where we began, and will always be that. I will take some bigger diamond studs tho... ;)
Wedding bands do not have to be expensive, although I do believe that platinum is a great investment for jewelry because it does not lose mass over time and can be refinished over and over.
A lot of reality shows and maybe even some blogs get approached by jewelry manufacturers to feature their brands and higher end styles. Even in a bad economy, many people want to have nice jewelry. Then again, a lot of guys settle for cheap non-precious metals as well. I guess it depends on the individual(s).
If my husband and I were to do it over again I'd be just fine with a wedding band, only. I was told, "Get the diamonds now, b/c when the house and kids come, you'll never get them." So, being young, I listened & I got 'em. It's a beeeautiful ring. It sits beautifully in my medicine cabinet. It by no means encompasses the love, devotion, and work a successful marriage requires. It’s an expensive rock. My next life, CZ is just fine.
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