"COLORS OF THE WORLD..."

"SPICE UP YOUR LIFE...EVERY BOY AND EVERY GIRL!"

Come on, you know the words.  Do not try to reclaim the brain space that the Spice Girls' 1997 smash hit "Spice Up Your Life" has claimed.  Have you seen that commercial where the thirty-something woman goes running, with her husband driving along side her, providing running music, blasting, "Wannabe"?  Genius, because  that is exactly who still listens to this pap - and I am one of them.  This is precisely the scenario in which I indulge my penchant for over-produced girl groups and I nearly peed in my pants after seeing this commercial, picturing the numerous mornings I have spent on the treadmill with Mel B screaming in my ear.

The Spice Girls are one of my many guilty pleasures along with Bridezillas, Nicholas Cage action movies and leftover spaghetti with Ragu fried in butter.  And while I might not be spinning their hits in the van with any regularity (not even the flames could overcome that blow to my cool rating, which as we all know, is close to zero in that behemoth), I refuse to be ashamed of what I consider to be pure cotton candy, fun music.  In fact, I think the Spice Girls themselves have a lot to offer - I mean in their 90's incarnation, not the current Eddie Murphy-suing-baby-mama-drama-creating-Dancing-with-the-Stars incarnation of the 00's.  It was genius to have different elements of a woman personified, to be highlighted and celebrated.  Even if some were slightly off the mark - or completely absent.

In case you are unfamiliar with the personae of the SG, there is Sexy Spice, Scary Spice, Sporty Spice, Posh Spice and Baby Spice.  Sexy Spice was played by fiery redhead, Geri Halliwell, and while I absolutely l-o-v-e that Union Jack bustier get-up, I take issue with her being called Sexy Spice and thought she could have been called, Most Women after Four Glasses of Wine Spice because all she really was was loud and lacking a verbal filter.  She was hot though.  As for Scary Spice, played by Melanie Brown, I guess she was scary.  I mean the animal print clothing and the wild hair sure meant to imply that, "Oooh, leopard print!  Watch out!", but I thought she was more Everybody's Loud Friend Spice.  She's the friend who attracts a bunch of guys when you're out.  And not the right kind.  She really likes karaoke.

Following behind the glaring spotlight of those two media whores, were two pretty straight-forward characters.  Posh Spice, Victoria Beckham, before the anorexia and the tragic loss of her ability to smile, was the lady of the group, representing women's feminine, well-mannered side.  Sporty Spice was the jock of the group.  Sporty!  A British term I l-o-v-e which I think we need to use with much more frequency in the U.S.  "She's sporty", rather than, "She's sort of dyke-y in the sports way, but otherwise, totally straight."  

And finally, the repellant Baby Spice.  Other than giving the seven year-old demographic a Spice Girl to identify with, I see no purpose for this particular character.  Anyone who does has major Daddy issues and needs to find a shrink stat.

I think every woman has a percentage of each Spice Girl in her personality.  Of course, omitting Baby Spice (meh).  I think a better substitution would have been to create Brainy Spice.  You know, do the whole "hot librarian" thing, all horn-rimmed glasses and short tweed skirt.  So the next time you're putting music on your iPod, consider downloading "Spice Up Your Life" and imagine yourself in all these different roles seeing who's in your head.  You might be inspired to let one of your other sides take the reigns for the day.  

Now where did I put that bustier...