Re: Complaints filed

Dear Sir,
We are writing in response to several complaints received by the government of this household by a "Hubby" during the morning hours of Wednesday, November 26th, 2008.

The first complaint was filed with the Department of Sanitation - "You've lost all my good socks." This statement is baldly untrue. The Department makes collections several times a week at specific drop points and while we carefully clean and return all items left in the proper containers, we can not be held responsible for items dropped near or about said vessels or items that are left in the middle of the floor and wind up under the dresser. Leaving said items scrunched up in little balls in the very manner they were removed from your feet does not help either. The FBI has looked into this claim and no missing socks could be found despite interrogating both the washing machine and dryer during the baby's nap.

The second complaint, fielded by The Department of Health and Human Services, after discussing tonight's pre-Thanksgiving dinner menu composed of leftovers was, I believe, worded as "Now you want to feed me old soup". While we agree that this is not the most desirable of situations, food stores are low prior to the holiday and the Department is trying to ensure some vegetables that are not creamed enter the systems of this family in the next forty-eight hours. DHHS is also supported by the Department of the Treasury in its cost-cutting efforts trying to avoid the thirty-five dollar Mexican takeout bill.

The third complaint was recieved by The Fish and Wildlife Service concerned the medical care of one canine. A veternary appointment had been made in the evening hours to accomodate The Department of Finance's work schedule, but this was apparently unacceptable and "There must be a way you can take him with the kids" was the response to our efforts. What the DOF fails to realize is the sheer physical strength required to drag three children, one in a stroller with a bum wheel, and a skittish dog through the cavernous vet's waiting room then the creativity and mental agility to keep all FOUR beings semi-quiet, happy and occupied while sitting in a room that smells vaguely of cat pee and that weird stuff that shoots out of dog's butts when terrified.

Sir, we regret to inform you that, while your complaints have been heard, we feel other departments within the government must pick up the slack if the situation is to improve. We are stretched thin as it is with very little man-power to make any serious changes and frankly, we don't want to. The President has informed us she "could not give less of a shit" and despite numerous apologies offered, "he can wash his own damn socks from now on".

Sincerely,
Mary Barchetto
Secretary of State