The best-laid plans

"OK, so I take #2 to gymnastics at 9:00, you drop Little Man of there with me at 9:50, leave the van and take the Jetta, then get #1 to ice skating at 10:30. We'll all meet back at the house at 12:00 for lunch. Then LM has a birthday party from 1:00 to 2:30. I'll go there while you take the girls grocery shopping for the dinner party."

This is an example of the conversation H and I have almost every non-summer Friday, planning the suburban assault that is Saturday. He hates it, and after a playful slap to the back of the head (I didn't hit you that hard, crybaby) has learned to keep his mouth shut about it, as without this level of preplanning, with three kids, we would get absolutely nothing done.

One particular Saturday, we were trying to go to local aquarium, where during the winter months, if you do not beat the crowd, you will spend the vast majority of your morning stuck behind a stroller parade of screaming children with no hope of getting close to the glass for the seal feeding. H and I had discussed departure time the night before, ensuring our early arrival, yet he was still lallygagging around, with me by the front door screeching, "Where is everybody???", since I am the only one who realizes teleportation has not been perfected yet and we actually need to leave on time. We all get in the car, H and I in various states of annoyance with each other, when he says, "You really need to relax."

Ensue whisper fight, where we speak low enough for our voices to be camouflaged by the sounds from the DVD player*. H asserts I make everyone miserable trying to stick to a schedule. I assert he has no idea what it take to plan a successful trip for five people and maybe he'd enjoy standing in line all day with the rest of the slackers who can't get their shit together and get on the road. He says, "Just admit it. You're high-strung and sometimes it's tough to deal with." My response? "I will admit nothing except I am awesome and I get stuff done!" At which point we both laugh and the fight is over.

I did wind up apologizing for being a harpy, and H apologized, saying he realizes my plans do always result in our being head of the crowd and having a more pleasant day, but this argument is an example of how those of us who plan are looked down upon by society. The "cool" way to be is laid back and fun. Schedules are for nerds. Don't be so uptight. Meditate. Be in the moment. Oh, really? Being ahead of the moment got us fed and into the first meet-and-greet with Rapunzel at Disney, instead of having to wait for forty minutes like The Get-Up-Latersons whose kids are now whining for breakfast. Getting places, like the aquarium, early, ensures we sail through the food line and are already leaving the cafeteria, when the masses get there for lunch at 12:30, instead of waiting in line with three starving, and subsequently decreasingly patient, children.** Sure, I'd like to take each day as it comes and not have to think, but things take time, exponentially more when you involve kids, and if nobody is charting the course, the boat's going nowhere.

It's not just life with kids that needs to be planned. Almost everything in life works better with some planning - big and little. Guess what? More people can come to your party if you get your invites out in a timely fashion! You might get good seats to that concert if you get up early the day they go on sale! Wanna buy a house someday? Money doesn't fall out of the sky. Stop buying designer bags you can't afford and going out to dinner and start putting some green in the bank.***

I know I sound angry, and it's because I am. Planning makes life smoother and everyone more comfortable. Did D-Day just happen? Look at New York City as a, literal, concrete example. Ever try to drive downtown? It's like being Mr. Magoo. Once they discovered urban planning? The lovely grid system. I realize I could take it down a notch (or ten), and not everything in life can be planned for. That was a super-fun thirteen months, trying to get pregnant with #1. Over-planned sex? Not hot.

I am here to say, planners everywhere, you are awesome! You get shit done! You might aggravate the hell out of your loved ones, but they'll thank you later. And as for your famous quote Mr. Lennon, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans"? Life doesn't happen unless you make some plans.

*The car trip to the aquarium would be more than the, agreed-upon, hour and a half required for DVD use since I figure a kid can just stare out the window and be with her own thoughts for that long, or invent some dumb backseat game with her siblings. You should see #1 time it just to be sure when I say someplace is too close to watch a movie.

**Never mind their father, who often forgets to eat himself before he leaves the house. I now carry emergency cheese sticks.

***That message is to H and I in our 20's. Idiots. One time in my life I didn't plan.