It's that time of year again. Time for me to repeatedly use the word "inappropriate" as my oldest flips through the myriad of Halloween costume catalogues that are flooding my mailbox. I am tired already and it's the first day of October.
Why, one would ask, do I allow her to look through these catalogues, if it is an exercise in frustration? Well, we have been through the stable of princesses, and last year was Hannah Montana, so unless the almighty Disney gods, create a new character the wins my daughter over in the next three weeks, I have no choice but to try and give her some costume inspiration. Because sitting at the kitchen table saying, "What about a doctor? What about a cowgirl? What about A butterfly?", did nothing but give my youngest, who had chosen her costume in three minutes, more ideas and confuse her. And when she came up with the idea of being a bumble bee, I took one look at her in her glasses, saw her looking like the girl from the Blind Melon video after fat camp, and pictured every parent in my age bracket laughing their asses off. I had to do something to get that idea off the table immediately.
My oldest has reached a weird age in childhood. She is only eight, but she is as tall as a ten year-old, so just as with her clothing, her Halloween costume choices include some with a distinctly sexual vibe. Let's take the "Lacy Witch Child's Costume" pictured left. First of all, witches costume are supposed to be black- OK, maybe black and neon green or orange or red. But black and pink? Where else do you see this combination other than lingerie (OK, and poodle skirts, another costume idea that was rejected)? And with the lacy overlay, one can't help but think this is the kid's Victoria's Secret catalogue. Which I'm sure is coming since if Abercrombie can sell kid-sized thongs, Vicky's going to want in on that action. Adding to the boudoir vibe, is the corset-like bodice and the lace arm thingies. What the hell are those? Arm warmers? They could only be more awful if they extended down the top of the hand and had one loop for the middle finder to go through like those horrid fingerless wedding gloves. I cringe.
I also fail to understand how costume designers continue to create costumes that have no sleeves!!! Halloween costumes are for trick or treating, that, unless you live in Manhattan, usually takes place out of doors, in autumn. Sure, kids in California and Florida are psyched, but there is nothing more depressing as a child on Halloween, than having to wear a coat over your carefully selected disguise. And more to the point, if a little girl is dressed in spaghetti straps, other than in the dead of summer, she looks naked. How about just a cap sleeve? Come on!
Ok, the stockings. The last time I, myself, wore a pair of nylons was back in 1999. If grown women have decided that black hose are tacky, then why the hell is an eight year old wearing them? What's wrong with a nice pair of leg-obscuring, opaque tights? Or leggings? Or a hemline that reaches pass the bottom of your ass cheeks when you have to wear it to run around your neighborhood gathering peanut butter cups for your mother? I can't even begin to discuss the shoes. While I loves me some ridiculously high heels, I think, until you are able to drive yourself wherever you need to go while wearing them, they are verboten. And, again, you won't be getting me my tithe of chocolate any faster clip-clapping down the street on wobbly ankles.
This costume is not the only one of it's kind. This is from a pretty tame catalogue, that made it through my rigorous screening process - anything with slutty Dorothy, or slutty Alice in Wonderland went right in the trash. Why this need to over-sexualize our girls at such a young age? Sure, there are kids who are into this stuff, but let them cobble together their own slutwear. Must we pre-fab it for them and try to infect all the others? Why must sexuality be the only aspect of one's self to be let loose on Halloween? The above mentioned "slutty" costumes are quite the rage for the under thirty women if my younger Facebook friends are a decent sample (PS, no I don't want to be friends with you new babysitter, please keep photos of your tonguing your boyfriend to yourself). Why can't it be strength or our sense of humor?
So the costume pictured right is what we wound up with. Now, hold your horses, I see it has no sleeves, but when she volunteered to wear a t-shirt underneath, I knew how much she loved the fact that the skirt lit up (ridiculous, I know). So her wonderful grandmother will be custom making her a black bolero jacket with some kind of crazy-amazing fringe, like sequins or feathers. And notice the leggings and flat shoes. She will also not be wearing those ridiculous hair extensions, which look like deranged peyos.
My kids, they have no idea how good they have it, complaining about which costumes I allow them to get. I'd be psyched ot have even the worst of these ready-made, fabric costumes, no matter how lame. Nothing will erase the memory of wearing those bad, plastic, drug-store costumes as a child, which were really just giant plastic sacks and a mask that made your face sweat. So while I am sad, not one of my daughters took me up on the suggestion of Wonder Woman, for whom I would have lifted my no-bare-shoulders ban, at least neither of them will look like mini-hookers. And, as my youngest pointed out excitedly, "Mommy!! LOOK! The Wonder Woman costume comes in adult sizes."
Now that's an idea.
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