I know, I know. Save me your tsk-tsking and agitated foot tapping. Yes, it's been a week since my projected return date, but an unexpected series of vacation days taken by H resulted in many day-trips to the beach and other area amusements and I am now left with a wreck of a house, a funnel cake hangover and more wet towels than I can possibly count.
So I was reading an article in the "Personal Journal" section of The Wall Street Journal - a section title that always makes me think of a flower-covered notebook I scribbled in the ealy 00's each day, in an Oprah-induced fit of self-exploration, before I began unlaoding all of my emtional baggage on you, my lucky readers - and the cover story was about the American libido. Various statisitcs were thrown about and, as usual, I rolled my eyes after reading, yet again, how many times a day the average man thinks about sex. I really do not believe this is true unless you write, film or perform in the porn industry, I am convinced the average man spends more time thinking about bacon or beer. The article was the basic "how to get more sex in into your life" kind with a dash of "when to admit you're in a sexless marriage" thrown in for good measure. And while none of this was earth shattering stuff, two of the stats did catch my attention and gave me pause.
The first was the average number of times a year couples younger than 30 have sex (111) versus that of the above-30 crowd (58). Really? I'm shocked, SHOCKED!, that the number of coital interactions plummets right around the time most couples are in the throws of raising children. As I have said before, having children definitely adds an element of difficulty in finding the time and space to be intimate. Now that naptime is a distant memory for #1 and #2, and they roam the house like caged animals between craft projects during Little Man's siesta, there are markedly fewer skyrockets in flight around here. So I think including this number in the article is nothing but alarmist (and ageist). Talk to me in ten tears when all three offspring can understand the term "privacy" other than for the potty.
The other factoid I reflected upon, was that 70% of men think about sex every day, while only 28% of women do. While I can not speak for my gender as a whole, I also think this is an accurate account - at least for those of us with children. Whether you work or stay at home, a mother's life is a tsunami of to-do lists in an ocean of minutiae, that tries to drown the libido. On top of the constant chatter in our heads (no thought is sexier as you take of your bra than "Did I send in the field trip permission slip for Tuesday?" or "I have to call the dentist!"), is the added strain of sleep deprivation. One part of the article discussed female Viagra and the slow move to get it to market. Don't bother. Female Viagra is called sleep. Ever wonder why couples have so much sex on vacation (other than because of the lack of tiny, peering eyes)? It's because they are getting some damn rest! I am so tired come Saturday night, H has to time making a move like reentering earth's atmosphere - waiting for all three kids to fall asleep, give me time enough to decompress, but before the second glass of wine and I konk out.
H is really going to want ot murder me for this post, but I don't care. For parents, finding time and energy to have good quality sex is like trying to find fat free, organic chicken nuggets that don't taste like donkey shit - very hard, indeed. But we all need to keep fighting, for the sake of our marriages and our sanity. And also, so that in ten years you can all be statistics in my article about the new sexual revolution among parents of teenaged children who understand "knock before entering".
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