Roses and Thorns

Aaaahhh....that's the sound of me plopping my ass in the office chair, with a Lean Cuisine and a Diet Coke. Little Man is sleeping, or if not, at least playing quietly enough to allow me to imprison him in his crib without the neighbors calling Family Services, the girls are at school, the detritus of the morning has been raked into various piles, the dishwasher has been emptied and laundry has been put in the washer. I have a whole half an hour* I allow myself to do whatever I want in the peace and blessed, blessed quiet of an empty house before I begin prepping dinner and gathering supplies for the onslaught that is afterschool activities. This is one of my favorite times of day. Yesterday's post about the high and low points of communion day, got me thinking, about a typical day in anyone's life really, and how each one is a comedy or drama depending on the moment. So I thought I'd look at the peaks and valleys of my typical day (aside from the aforementioned naptime nirvana) and see where the balance fell.

Low point - Waking up. Boy does that sound bad, but hauling my cookies out of bed at 5:00 each morning is like ripping off a Bandaid every goddamn time. No matter the season, I am up before the the sun in all four, so sunlight does not influence my waking mood, and the word "fuck" is thrown around quite a lot in my head as I shuffle around in the dark looking for my sneakers.

High point - I remembered to set the coffee maker and/or put in the water and/or put in the coffee and my caffeine is ready (happens 60% of the time). I happily lurk on Facebook and check my blog stats (I am watching you...). H comes down to join me and makes a comment about something on the news that makes me laugh.

Low point - Clad in my schemata and ratty workout gear, I hit start on the treadmill. Even if I have the best workout mix awaiting me, the promise of Ke$ha's Your Love is my Drug** can't get me past those first few minutes of running when I seriously question why the hell I am doing this.

High point - Having hit the proverbial "runner's high", I kick it up to an 8 minute mile and to make H laugh as he descends the basement stairs for his turn on the treadmill/torture device, I huff out the lyrics to Queen Latifah's U.N.I.T.Y., "Who you callin' a bitch?"

Low point - Stepping out of the shower. I will spend the next forty-five minutes only uttering sentences that begin with "Would you please hurry up and..." or "Did you do what I asked you to and...", before I devolve into a screeching lunatic at the front door yelling, "JUST GET IN THE CAAAAAR!" I will realize I am still scowling in the van when Little Man, the family emotional barometer, asks, "Mommy, you happy?" , then tread water against a wave of guilt as I realize the last impression of me #1 gets before heading out for the day is of a screaming, scowling, nut bag.

High point - Get Little Man off to school and read in the park with #2 while enjoying bagels and iced coffee. Explain why we have belly buttons.

Low point - Again become screeching harpy, as I try to get Little Man and #2 home from preschool pick up, fed, and back in the van inside forty minutes, which inevitably includes Little Man taking the World's Biggest Shit seconds before we absolutely have to leave that, should I poorly choose not to change it and throw him into the van, will get squished all the way up his back and come out the top of his pants. #2 will start to cry because her sneakers are too loose, despite her obsessive adjusting of the Velcro closures and their being actually a half a size too small.

Naptime nirvana....

High point - Little Man wakes from his nap, and as usual, has soiled himself and is in need of a change of clothes. As I stand him up, and remove his shirt, he flings his arms around my neck and wriggles his bare chest against me, burrowing his face into my neck.

High point - My girls run to hug me at school pickup. #1 has slowed to a trot, so I know I have very, very few days left when I will, physically, be knocked over by the sheer force of her love for me.

Low point - 4:30-5:30. This is the dreaded hour when we have returned from the afternoon's playdate/ballet lesson/robotics class, and everyone is hungry and tired. #1 still has homework to do, but we debate nightly over whether she can begin after dinner, which she can't. Little Man forages in every cabinet looking for edibles (cue dog food raiding), as I frantically cut up some raw veggies for him to devour as I cook. #2 sits on the couch, falling asleep as I scream, "NO NAPPING NOW!!!", knowing it will destroy the early bedtime I have planned. All of this while I am trying to cook couscous, asparagus and chicken breast they will not even touch (but I'm trying Jaime Oliver!!!).

Low point - H emails to say he will be home late, even though I was told otherwise this morning. Commence solo bath and bedtime routine, fighting urge to hose them all down in the yard and throw them into bed, hair unbrushed, teeth covered in plaque, without a bedtime story.

High point - Properly bath children and am rewarded with their sweet, Johnson's scent as I tuck them into bed. Tear up as I read from Song of Night, "The Moon is big and round and low, one more kiss, I love you so".

High point - H arrives home, we have dinner together, then I laugh while he mocks fat people on the Biggest Loser. I scratch his head as payment for not making me say the things we're both thinking out loud.

High point - Read three pages of my book, put on my Frownie and turn of the light.

So the highs win 8:6. Pretty good, I think. I was a bit worried it would come out the other way. It felt good to take stock of things like this, since the low points of your day can feel like the depths of hell at times. I know plenty of people who play that whole "Roses and Thorns" game every night at dinner with their families to do just that, where they list the best and worst part of their days. And while I think it is a great exercise for the kids, since you get to find out more about their day-to-day lives, I think it's tricky for the parents. Because how do you honestly share with your kids, "When it was 8:19 and you still hadn't brushed your teeth or put on your shoes, I seriously questioned my sanity and whether or not to sell you into white slavery"?

*I read in one of my women's mags today that 30 minutes is the optimal time to take to eat a meal. I nearly laughed myself off the treadmill. I think I top out at three minutes so I can get on with important stuff like ruining the environment by putting Goldfish into baggies and finding #2's ballet slippers.
**Best song to run too. Don't you judge me!