Government at its finest...

I am back, after fully recovering from Friday's hangover which, to be honest, was more sleep-deprivation-induced than alcohol-induced, as a bottle of wine is really only about a third more than I would drink on a Saturday night. The same can not be said, however, for my jackassery during the concert. Well, OK, before as well as during, such as screaming "This is fucking bullshit" over the heads of the huge line I was corralled into with the other ladies for the ONE female security officer who could pat us down. I spend all day with small hands in my hair, lifting up my shirt to see what color bra I'm wearing ("Is it pretty?"), and practically up my ass crack, so if a nineteen year-old wearing a yellow Security shirt gets a little frisky, I'm more likely to ask him, "Did you lose a Goldfish, sweetie?", than bring a lawsuit.

So speaking of jackassery, I caught a few minutes of the Today show this morning before I turned the channel to Sesame Street and had to TiVo the segment on the Michigan mother who has been ordered by the State, by letter, to stop watching her three friends' young children (a total of three) for an hour before the school bus arrives so their working mothers can make it to the office on time. Apparently a nieghbor had turned her in three days into the school year for running an "unlicensed daycare center". Are you serious?*

This story made me want to punch someone in the head. Only a fellow mother of more than one child, one of whom is school-aged, can understand how five minutes can make or break your whole morning. For example, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I pick up LM from school at 11:30 and have to race home with him and #2 to stuff lunch down their throats before dragging my middle one to PM kindergarten. This requires making lunch earlier in the morning and having it entirely laid out so we can eat and be out the door in thirty minutes. Why didn't I put her in AM kindergarten, you ask? Well, that class gets out at 11:20 so I would be late picking Little Man up when his class ends. Once one of your kids hits kindergarten you are constantly at the mercy of Father Time, since if you are late for school every day, you are now a truant, back in pre-K, you were just that asshole who made the teacher wait to start Circle Time.

If in this crazy jigsaw puzzle of drop offs and pickups, something goes awry, I am totally screwed (as I have written about in the past), I can not even imagine if I had a boss to report to at the dot of nine. So if I feel a gargantuan sigh of relief on a day someone else offers to shuttle one of my kids to or from the hallowed halls of education, I'm sure these working mothers were ready to canonize their friend. She is the embodiment of the "it's takes a village" philosophy (minus it's annoying political subtext). As I have said before, I am forever grateful to my sisters out in the work force for holding it down and keeping my and my daughter's options viable, and all of us at home need to keep that in mind. My fellow Girl Scout co-leader** and I were setting the time for the new parent meeting, and while having the meeting during the school day would cause less-badgering-H-to-get-home-early-then-having-to-make-dinner-and-run-out-the-door-foolishness, we decided to have it in the evening so working moms (and maybe even a few enlightened fathers) could come.

So if you know a fellow mother who works, offer her a hand. Maybe her kid can't join the soccer team because practice lets out a few minutes too early for her to get there on time. Offer to bring that child back to your house or drop her off yourself. And if anyone complains about your running a bus service, call me. I'll straighten them out but good.

*If she's running an unlicensed daycare with three kids, than what was I doing last week when both girls each had a set of siblings over to play for a total of seven kids in my house? The neighbor who complained will undoubtedly have their house egged every Halloween until the end of time, and will go to a very special hell when they die where they have to cart four elementary-school-aged children to four different activities, again and again and again, like a minivan-driving Sisyphus. And the bureaucrat who told the one mother to "get an umbrella" if her kid has to wait alone in the rain for an hour, deserves to have his/her balls ripped off/tubes tied to prevent their producing a serial killer since that's pretty much a given with that type of sensitivity at home.

**Don't start, I don't know how I get roped into these things, but I am NOT wearing a uniform. Unless it's that KICKIN' one Shelly Long wore in Troop Beverly Hills! I know that was an inappropriate picture to include in a serious post about parenting, but seriously? Who wouldn't want to wear that? And she has red hair. And that amazing turquoise necklace when they go camping at The Beverly Hills Hotel! Which is entirely how I plan to teach camping, by the way.