"Hug and Roll"

Does anyone else remember this episode of Friends?  I do and I have been especially reminded of it these past few weeks while trying to put my son down for naps.  If you're not familiar with this entertainment gem, let me refresh your memory.  Chandler is having issues with Janice wanting to cuddle all night.  Ross secretly tells Chandler about the "hug and roll" maneuver to gradually free yourself from your bedmate.  Putting a ten week old down for a nap is quite similar.  Currently my son, Matt, is having trouble falling asleep anywhere but in human arms and he refuses to sleep during the day anywhere but his bouncy seat . Here's are the steps to my infant "hug and roll".

Step 1 - Rock and jiggle crying, shrieking baby in arms and bounce-walk around the room.

Step 2 - Baby calms down, but continues to thrash in your arms, bashing his face against your collar bone making himself cry again.  Repeat Step 1.

Step 3 - Baby finally drifts off to sleep, continue to rock baby as you turn on the seat's vibration switch with your foot and ease yourself onto the floor in front of the bouncy seat - all the while continuing rocking and jiggling motion.  

Step 4 - Slowly reduce rocking a jiggling, tilt torso forward holding baby close to chest and rest baby in seat.  DO NOT REMOVE ARMS.  Continue to "fake hold" the baby in the seat while pressing your chest against him to simulate being held.  

Step 5 - Carefully slide arms out from under baby while continuing to press chest against baby all the while breathing in his ear so he is reassured of your continued presence.

Step 6 - Gradually back away.  Replace chest, repeat ear-breathing if baby begins to stir.

Step 7 - Crawl out of room like paratrooper.

NOTES:  In the case of older child screaming, dog barking, door bell ringing, begin again at Step 1.

I swear to God if someone got their hands on video of my going through all this I'd die of embarrassment.  I had to do it FIVE TIMES in the space of forty-five minutes this morning all the while hoping my other two kids weren't killing each other in the basement.  Now that's comedy.