You probably don't remember me, since we haven't had much contact since my wedding (more on that later), but I just had to write about your holiday advertising campaign. Which one you ask? Every one. Every single one I have had to endure for the last fifteen years.
We've all seen them a thousand times so we know you are forever, every kiss begins with you, blah, blah, blabbity blah. And every year there is some new must-have piece of jewelry, many with emotion-inducing names like eternity necklaces and Open Heart necklaces (designed by Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman herself, Jane Seymour). Then there are new kinds of stones, like diamonds with their own serial numbers engraved inside or chocolate diamonds. I suppose in instances of theft, the former is useful, the latter, however, just reminds me of the "champagne diamonds" from that movie Beautiful Girls ("It's a new trend in the diamond trade, they're trying to create a new market...Oh, right, right. yeah. They were callin' 'em "piss", but they weren't moving any units."). Just like the kids trying to get their mitts on a Wii U, women everywhere are dropping not-so-subtle hints to their mates about the new "it" bauble.
Crazy creations aside, it is really the commercials we are bombarded with that drive me mad, or rather the demographic you are marketing to. I will give you a pass on the ads featuring young couples getting engaged. The holidays are a popular time to pop the question. Mean Mommy herself was proposed to at Christmas time at the tender age of 22. But other than ads for engagement rings, why are you marketing to anyone under the age of fifty?
One particular ad features shots of a woman through courtship, marriage and early parenthood, with the husband voicing over, proclaiming his love for her and how he'd be "nowhere without her". Well, if you are like most people in your stage of life, buying her that necklace you'll be somewhere -the poor house. Rather than buying his wife a stone to hang around her neck (and probably have their toddler rip off and flush down the toilet), this guy should be worrying about paying for preschool and saving for a first home. Tiffany, you try, I grant you, with the Silver Fox* and his wife who actually has crow's feet, but they look forty-five, tops. The average person of this age also has better places to put their money, like college funds and IRAs. You can't tell me that many people have every other financial necessity in their lives covered.
Can't we please have a representation of the people who can actually afford your products? Is it the fact that older people are "unsexy"? I know, I know, you want to create a lifetime customer, and, let's face it, old folks ain't got that much time, but I still can't help but say shame on you. Shame on you for making men think that putting themselves in debt is the only way to show a woman they care. And shame on us for buying into it. I, personally, can't justify buying any rocks and then having my kids have to take out Stafford loans.
You know what else is forever? A bankruptcy on your credit report. Ok, really seven to ten years, but you get my meaning.
XO - MM
*Pre-mature grey makes you look old? Um, more like SEXY. Shout out, H.
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