Whining or no whining?

Did you see on the news recently that some restaurants and airlines are considering becoming child-free, not allowing families with children to use their services? Weren't you just waiting for me to lash out, express my rage, and belittle those close-minded individuals who can not accept that children are part of the world at large? Well, keep waiting. I think it's a fan-friggin'-tastic idea.

"What?", you say. "Is this the same woman who railed against the insensitive cretins she had to deal with on her sojourn to Florida?" Yes, yes, it is. Know why? Because if these child-free options become reality, for every glare, and beleaguered sigh I receive at restaurants for my well-behaved children having needs, or for merely existing, I would be able to snark back, "Don't like it? Go eat at Pas d'Enfants!!!" The jerks who roll their eyes when on a flight with a crying baby, while also deserving to spend the afterlife listening to that same sound for not having an ounce of compassion for someone trapped in a desperate situation, can easily escape this fate and spare the rest of us breeders their angst, by flying No Rugrats Airlines.

Even I , mother of three and all, would benefit from these options. Remember my big anniversary trip with H, where I was almost forced to watch NIckelodeon's morning line-up with my eight dollar coffee in the hotel's private lounge? Nothing sucks more than having gotten away from your own children, and then being subjected to the same noise and chaos you wanted to escape from - usually at an inappropriate hour and location, with minimal parental control. I can guarantee myself some child-free time when I have gotten rid of my progeny? Where do I sign up?

Some parents are in an uproar about this. As parents, we are so in love with our own children, we expect the rest o the world to be. Well, most people do. I firmly believe nobody cares about my kids except for me and a few others they share large portions of genetic material with. Can we all just give up this need for validation and accept that no one thinks Junior's rendition of "The Wheels on the Bus" is as cute as you do - especially the hundredth time trapped in an enclosed space hurtling through the air? It's not an insult to your kid specifically, nor does it invalidate your choice to be a parent, when other people actively dislike being around children. I even try to bear this thought in mind when forced into contact with the child-intolerant (although running my kid over with a garbage can, or on the way to the toilet, kind of impairs my ability to play devil's advocate).

Let's get behind this movement, people! Think of your next date night. You race around, trying to get dressed while feeding the kids pizza and setting up the movie and snack for the sitter to bribe them with. Prying sticky fingers from your hastily blown-out hair, you bolt for the door, speed like your driving a getaway car to make your reservation, collapse into your seat with a glass of wine and...you hear "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS!!!!", blaring from an iPad propped up in front of a three year-old at the next table.

Check please.