C is for Carrots...

"Andrea says there's no more Cookie Monster on Sesame Street. Now he's Veggie Monster."

Wha-wha-whaaaat?

#1 brought this info home from camp yesterday and sent me into a state of panic. I know Little Man watches way more Phineas and Ferb than I would have let his sisters at his age (which, admittedly, would have been NONE), but I have been DVR'ing Sesame Street to prepare for our upcoming trip to Sesame Place next week. How depressing would that have been to roll up to The Second Most Magical Place on Earth, only to have LM say, "Who's that scary, giant, yellow bird, Mommmy? So I thought I was pretty up to date on all things Sesame (way too little Grover, way too much Telly and Abby Cadabby). Maybe I was wrong.

I immediately ran to the computer to consult the all-knowing Google and became terrified after reading posts on Yahoo!answers, from people who pretend to know things they don't. Finally, I found a post on the PBS website stating that there were absolutely no plans to alter Cookie Monster's appearance or personality, only that " childhood obesity is a serious health concern the producers have decided to make part of their curriculum" and that "Cookie Monster will continue to obsess over his favorite food: the cookie, but he now also eats fruits and vegetables."


Whew! What a relief. I thought the over-sanitizing of America had made its way to this beloved childhood world. In this day and age, we parents are forced to deal with numerous rules and regulations, put in place because some individuals refuse to parent, and had my favorite obsessive-compulsive monster been scapegoated as a cause for childhood obesity, rather than the folks who think a Whopper Combo to be a perfectly balanced meal, I would have had to lead a protest or hold a rally or some sort involving numerous baked goods.

This over-regulation extends far beyond TV. At my local library, my well-behaved almost-four-year-old can not sit with his sisters in the hard-fought-for front row seats at the library's magic show, and must, instead, sit on my lap in the back, because some assholes use these shows as free babysitting, leaving their children unattended, while they wander the stacks looking for the newest Nicholas Sparks rag, instead of preventing Junior from strangling Mike the Magic Guy's rabbit. At the town pool, Little Man was not allowed in the big pool, forcing me to frantically pace between that area and the baby pool in order to keep half an eye on every child, because some people bring un-potty-trained children in with no swim diaper, resulting in a few Baby Ruth situations and the town enforcing an age limit. I am tired of myself and my children suffering from other's idiocy. While I know these rules have solved some problems, it creates problems for those of us who actually, you know, parent.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is, the world is full of dopes and that's not going to change, but at least the smart, smart people at The Children's Television Workshop know that none of us should be robbed of Cookie Monster's hysterical, frantic energy. I'll even give them a pass that they have Cookie constantly spouting that "Cookies are a sometimes food", sort of sucking the joy out of his binges, since I imagine them sending him into a shame spiral of self-loathing afterwards like a drunk after a bender. Cookie Monster represents a certain loss of control in what children can often feel is a very controlling world. How many of us imagined going to town on a box of Chips Ahoy! in that very same manner? Anyone? Anyone? I know it wasn't just me. I think today's kids have so few outlets to be wild and crazy, as they are constantly within eye and earshot of adults. They need to see a character who can lose it every once in a while*, and having him scarf down a bowl of beets just isn't going to cut it. That's like a mom who goes "a little wild" and gives the kids SALTED pretzels for snack. You go, girl.

I am happy to know Little Man will see the original Cookie Monster and not some castrated version of my childhood friend born out an epidemic of parental apathy. He is a kindred spirit and I would have missed his, according to PBS, "wonderful, compulsive personality which our viewers have grown to love".

Does that sound like anybody we know?

*I tip my hat to you as well, Animal.