Sorry it's taken me so long to write back, but I've been busy digging out from under an avalanche of your coupons. You apparently are desperate for me to come see you, BB&B, as every week you try to lure me through your doors with the promise of "20% off!" any item in your store. Although I wonder about the seriousness of your intentions as I read the fine print and realize I can not purchase the Dyson Animal I've been lusting after using said coupon. Why are you teasing me?
But, seriously, BB&B, I have to put a stop to this. Your missives result in either one of two scenarios, neither of which are constructive. In the first, I receive your coupon in the mail and say to myself, "Pfft. I don't need anything at this place and I have no intention of going there any time soon." and righteously throw the epistle in the trash lamenting how you are ruining our environment in your efforts to lure me in. Not twenty four hours later I dig out my future sister in-law's bridal shower invitation from my filing system (read:pile of crap next to the microwave) and realize where she is registered and flagellate myself for my hasty disposal.
In the second scenario I actually remember the last ten times scenario #1 has occurred and I put your damn coupon in the above-mentioned pile of crap intending to use it the next time I need a new bath mat (which is often as Hubby soaks them frequently, dumps them in the wash and they turn up four days later smelling like a homeless man whose been swimming in a sewer drain while rescuing a skunk). The anticipated need arises and I head to BB&B with the progeny in tow and after navigating through your labrynth of ailses with an impossibly large blue shopping cart with a bum wheel I arrive at the register and am asked by the pleasant fifty-something working the checkout, "Do you have any coupons today?" only to realize my coupon is still snuggled comfortably between a chicken recipe from Cooking Light and my oldest's last report card. Yes, there are those rare occassions I do remember to grab the coupon from the junk pile and it is promptly left behind on the table by the front door after I have been distracted by a potty emergency or lost Croc. In either case, it's not in my bag where I need it to be and much (not so) silent cursing ensues.
So please, Bed Bath & Beyond, I beg of you, stop harassing me with your promises of "20% 0ff!". No matter how well-intentioned, they accomplish nothing but making me feel bad about myself and my lack of organization. And yes I am aware you sell a coupon organizer. I bought one at full price the last time I was there.
Sincerely,
Mary
PS - Would you please pass this letter on to The Children's Place and Babies R Us? I know you're all colluding in this campaign to drive me insane.
2 comments:
Ugh, I HATE those coupons! I had at least 30 in my "organizer" (also, pile of crap), finally threw them out then promptly needed three new bath mats. Really?!?! As for going to the store without them, when we first moved into our house and I bought a bazillion dollars worth of things there, I proudly handed over my 20% off coupon to the salesclerk only to be smacked in the face with the fact that it was 20% off ONE ITEM. I had mistakenly assumed it was 20% off the entire order and had left the other 30 coupons at home. Damn fine print!
I just stumbled across your blog and have been reading and reading because I am loving your writing. Anyway, I feel your pain about those coupons. Though I always go to throw them out, something always makes me stop and save them. They are haphazardly stuffed between bills, magazines, old holiday cards and I always get around to finally disposing of them when they have been expired for several months. I don't even shop there, but for one reason or another, that 20% just seduces me every time!
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