Random Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom

I confess I am letting my daughters watch Handy Manny and my son cry in his crib with the hopes that he'll fall back to sleep after a too short nap while I write this.

I confess I ran five miles today and still have not showered.

I confess I did not brush my teeth until eleven o'clock today.

I confess I wash my hair only twice a week, but my colorist says it's great for my hair - so there.
I guess I'm also confessing I'm not a natural redhead.

I confess I don't bother turning laundry right side out if it's been put in the hamper inside out. I also fold and put laundry away in that condition. Put it in as you'd like it returned. I confess I really don't care if the bottom of our socks are dingy. Throw in some bleach, see what happens, move on. I confess I have had to rewash a load of laundry after it sat wet in the washer for too long and started to smell bad. I confess I do not pre-treat stains, I just wash and hope for the best. I confess I can not remember the last time I washed the nursing bra I am wearing.

I confess that my underwear drawer, my husband's sock drawer and the kids' pajama drawers are really only drawers in th academic sense - they are rectangular and pull out - but really, they are small spaces into which I stuff clean garments never knowing what lurks in the rear.

I confess selecting a piece of Tupperware in my house consists of opening the door, allowing all the containers and lids spill out, finding what I need and literally throwing the rest back in the cabinet and slamming the door.

I confess that rather than change my sons' crib sheet I move him to the cleaner side of the crib until the cleaning lady comes. I confess I am a stay at home mom who has a cleaning lady who was only supposed to be coming for the first three months after the baby was born. I confess I hope my husband doesn't notice and I will do anything short of whoring myself to keep her.

I confess, when at home, if one of my kids has a runny nose and I don't have a tissue handy, such as we're running late for school, I will use my sleeve. To prove this point we were at the park one day and my middle daughter developed a runny nose. With nary a tissue in sight she asks , "Can I use your shirt?" in front of a group of other moms and I have to say, "No!" and roll my eyes to them like, "Where the hell did they come up with these things?" knowing full well if no one were watching, I'd do it.

I confess my lunch on some days consists of an entire bag of Goldfish, graham crackers and a Diet Coke because that's exactly what I want.

I confess I eat peanut butter straight out of the jar from which I feed my children - using my index finger.

I confess I do not think half a pie an unreasonable amount of pizza - or pie for that matter.

I confess that this morning I paid $1.00 to download Lita Ford's Kiss Me Deadly.

I confess that I am overly excited to watch Pussycat Dolls present Girliscious tonight while my husband is at a business function.

I confess I hated The Forty Year Old Virgin and think it was made for fourteen year old virgins.

I confess I love The Rock, or Dwayne Johnson, whatever he's calling himself these days and would like to have him over for my celebrity dinner party which also includes Bono, Alice Cooper, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck (more for her, but he can tag along), Matt Damon, Jeremy Piven, Tina Fey, the woman who plays Pam on The Office and Jennifer Lopez. Yes, it might get awkward with Ben and the Jens, but couldn't you just see the two gals getting drunk, giggling in a corner together saying, "He did that with you too?".

I confess I think my husband, sweatpants, a bottle of wine and a Nicholas Cage action movie are the ingredients for a great Friday night. I confess I love Nicholas Cage movies - except Leaving Las Vegas which was creepy and dark and I saw it with my dad not knowing it opened with a threesome scene. Awkward.

I confess it is 8:30 and I am seriously contemplating going to bed.